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Under the Bed



HENRY: “Hey, are you under there?”


MONSTER: “Yes, I’m under here.”


HENRY: “Okay. Good to know."


MONSTER: “Did you need something?”


HENRY: “Sort of. I mean, I was just wondering if you were going to scare me tonight.”


MONSTER: “Tonight?”


HENRY: “Yeah.”


MONSTER: “You want to know if I’m going to scare you tonight?”


HENRY: “That’s right.”


MONSTER: “Hm.”


HENRY: “So? Are you?!”


MONSTER: “Am I what?”


HENRY: “Argh! ARE YOU GOING TO SCARE ME TONIGHT?!”


MONSTER: “I can’t say that I had really thought about it.”


HENRY: “Oh. How come?”


MONSTER: “Well, it doesn’t feel right yet.”


HENRY: “What do you mean it doesn’t feel right?”


MONSTER: “Basically, all the conditions have to be perfect for scaring you.”


HENRY: “I didn’t realize there were conditions for scaring.”


MONSTER: “Oh, most certainly! First of all, the light needs to be off.”


HENRY: “I can take care of that!”


MONSTER: “Thank you, that’s really very helpful.”


HENRY: “All right — what else?”


MONSTER: “I need to make a few creaking noises.”


HENRY:

“Yes, creaking noises, of course! I love the creaking noises! They are so creepy and they make you wonder, 'What was that? Was it a monster?' So they are super effective for scaring. Go ahead and make those creaking noises that you make.”


MONSTER: “I just did.”


HENRY: “Oh, you did? I didn’t hear them.”


MONSTER: “That’s because you were talking.”


HENRY: “Sorry. Do it again.”


MONSTER: “[Sigh]”


HENRY: “Hey, I heard them that time!”


MONSTER: “Great. I'm very happy for you.”


HENRY: “Okay, now what?”


MONSTER: “It isn’t strictly necessary, but it would help if it were a dark and stormy night.”


HENRY: “Well, looking out the window, it's definitely dark. And started to rain just before I got into bed. I think there was a little thunder, too. Anything else?”


MONSTER: “Not that I can think of, no.”


HENRY: “All right then.”


MONSTER: “So, are you ready?”


HENRY: “I’m ready.”


MONSTER: “Are you sure you are ready?”


HENRY: “I’m sure I’m ready.”


MONSTER: “I just want to be sure that you’re sure that you are ready for me to scare you right now.”


HENRY: “I am three-million-and-eighty-percent sure I’m ready for you to scare me right now!”


MONSTER: “Okay, here goes.”


HENRY: “Yes? I’m waiting.”


MONSTER: “Hang on, I snagged my tail on something."


HENRY: “Take your time.”


MONSTER: “Thanks. It shouldn’t take too long, but you really do have a lot of junk under here.”


HENRY: “I know.”


MONSTER: “I mean, I’ve heard your mom telling you to clean it out, and I guess what I’m saying is you should probably listen to her.”


HENRY: “Can we just get the scaring show on the road? I haven’t got all night.”


MONSTER: “Well, technically, you do.”


HENRY: “Technically, I want to go to sleep soon!”


MONSTER: “All right, all right! Don’t get your quilt in a twist! I’m unsnagged now.”


HENRY: “Finally.”


MONSTER: “Okay, get ready to be scared!”


HENRY: “I am!”


MONSTER: “Here goes ... Boo."


HENRY: “…”


MONSTER:

“Didn’t you hear me? I said ‘boo.’”


HENRY: “That’s it?”


MONSTER: “That’s what?”


HENRY: “That’s your way of scaring me?”


MONSTER: “It was supposed to be — did it not work?”


HENRY: “Not really.”


MONSTER: “Oh, of course! I forgot the most crucial condition for scaring!”


HENRY: “What’s that?”


MONSTER: “The element of surprise.”


HENRY: “Huh. Okay, well -- try again tomorrow night, then?”


MONSTER: “You can count on it!”

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